If there is a single key
to unlocking the universe
of possibilities, it is
Gratitude.
What about Natural Ability,
Passion,
Focused Work,
Practice,
Mentoring,
Love,
Forgiveness,
Truth,
Nature …
God?
They’re all on the key ring,
all things to be grateful for,
tools for opening doors to spaces
in the infinite kingdom,
or the very essence
of possibility.
But when there is no hope,
no faith,
no energy,
no will,
no help,
no love,
no redemption,
no light,
no health,
no comfort,
when the drama of despair seduces the spirit
into doing nothing,
believing that we are not worthy
of anything
so grand and beautiful,
believing the destructive forces
are the most
powerful,
what is the first step?
The Infinite and All-Powerful feel so far away
when hate and loss are feeding on us.
Beauty and Goodness seem alien.
Truth has been twisted
into grotesque mockeries of hopes
by those who use our
abilities, grace
and work to serve
themselves.
I remember the moment
everything changed for me.
Not a cell in my body believed
I was good enough
for anything
so grand as God,
or so I thought.
There was one cell,
then a handful,
that rested open,
waiting
for something,
anything,
to lead
me out
of the cycle.
Godot?
God to?
Too much.
No,
it was a leaf.
Not a shaft of light,
drop of water,
flickering flame,
whispering wind …
No.
A single dead leaf
saved my life.
It was red
and yellow
on black and white stones,
the four colors of the path
I walk.
Then, I looked down.
and saw
the Truth.
And I was grateful.
table salt 
Okay, so it’s early in the morning and I can’t get the extra spaces to squeeze out from between the lines of the poem, so it appears too open and esoteric to me. Well, I am posting anyway because a friend asked a question with some urgency. “So, I hate everything about myself – now what?” This is my answer. Maybe I’ll come up with something more practical and useful later. I prayed on it and this is what came out. I know it’s not fashionable in some circles to pray, but I am neither very fashionable nor completely impractical. It works for me and so I do it all the time, woven into the fabric of my life. Sister, keep asking questions and I’ll keep answering. I’m grateful for you.
Today, your words come as a much needed salve, to my wounded heart, and the wounded, bleeding heart, of my best friend, Lori. Today, I received termination papers from my job, and also today, my friend, will be finalizing her painful divorce. We found ourselves today at a loss, to encourage one another, it seems. We found ourselves, numb and dumbfounded….while neither were a surprise to either of us, really, it is not a feel good situation, either, ya know? We were on “empty” if you know what I mean. It was so wonderful to discover your words, that struck me hard, like lightening, prompted me pick up the phone, call my friend, carefully read each word to her, we had no words in our own hearts today to comfort each other, but we found encouragement together, in your words and we savagely savored the goodness of each line you have so eloquently written, we both desperately needed the encouragement, the validation…. that we are not the only ones on the path, the beautiful reminder, to be grateful, that everything is for the highest good, even those experiences that we deem painful or confusing, they really do serve as the portal, allow us to go on, close the previous chapter, open ourselves to the next chapter of our lives, to anticipate and experience the infinite possibilities available to us, but only by taking that first initial step- into gratitude. So yes, thank you, Lord….for my sorrow, and for all the goodness and possibilities, that will inevitably follow that sorrow……..if I will allow it, and stay rooted in gratitude. Even if the sorrow… feels like yucky divorces, and job termination. Goodness is coming… And, thank you, for my kind friend, Rebecca, who through her own sorrows, her own journey, has reached across the miles to offer her gratitude, her mercy, her guidance, her comfort, her love, on our behalf, and offer safe refuge for our hearts. You are a blessing….. you delight me. Love, D
Oh Duane, your words brought tears to my eyes. How courageous of you and Lori to share your stories and comfort each other as you can! Yes, things will improve. They always do in time. I am so grateful that what I wrote could help you to keep going, to remember that faith and effort are rewarded. This is the main reason that I chose to expose myself in this brash and uncomfortable way – to offer the help that I needed and I either received or didn’t allow. You are a blessing to me as well. The cross you gave me years ago hangs on the wall of my meditation room. If you can remember it, focus on it when you need comfort and I will do my best to offer what I can. Thanks for the encouragement.